Something missing.....or not?

I can't help but think about the sweet little tiny babies at work and think about snuggling them and holding them and walking around with them and showing them off to other people at work, like "look how cute she is" or "look at this adorable outfit I found in the drawer for him".....on nightshift we get to change the linens in their beds and change their clothes. Changing their clothes may be the most fun part of my shift besides snuggling. I love it, trying to find matching onesies with cute little pants and "old man sweaters" or finding a sweet little pink super soft sleeper outfit with ruffles on the butt....

and everytime I think about it, it makes me want my own. My own baby. I have wanted to be a momma since I was a teeny tiny little thing myself. With baby dolls and cribs and strollers. I love them. Everything about them. Their big puffy eyes, chubby little toes and round full bellies and their sweet soft sleepy little sounds. It melts my heart and when I enjoy these things about a tiny new life, I keep wishing I had my own. I know things are in god's time and I trust that, I trust that I was a product of god's time for my momma and may have been the most drastic change to ever happen to her and probably one of the best too. God's time. But I am impatient, and I am praying about it.

I think the coolest thing about wanting a baby so badly is thinking about how this baby, our baby will be half me and half of Taylor. To love someone so much and cherish them so much is an amazing thing but to have something that is half of that wonderful amazing person and half of you in the same tiny being, well, it's just crazy. It's exciting and scary and fun to think about. I get giddy with anticipation to think about what I will look like with a big belly and fat ankles and wonder if I will throw up or if this gluten challenge will make pregnancy look like a breeze. i can't wait to see if our little nugget will have thick black hair like Taylor or blonde wisps of spun sugar like mine. I just cannot wait!!!

....and no I certainly am not pregnant, nor are we trying. We have to get my health in order first so that the baby will be as healthy as possible and we have to let Taylor get closer to gradation. It's just something that is weighing on my mind alot lately. The pro's and con's. I want to go a cruise with Taylor, just the two of us and I love getting to just instantly decide to go to dinner and a movie but I so much more love the idea of cleaning up all my scrapbooking crap to make room for a crib and rocking chair, to sit in there waiting for a baby that will be part of me, part of him. Pieces of us all rolled into one. What could be better....

so for now, it's not something missing, I love my life and where we are at. I am so proud of us and how much we have accomplished seperately and now together....its just like there is a little notch of the puzzle peice just waiting to be filled with the next member of our family....and in god's time we will fill it.


but I will admit.... for now....I'm impatient.